My dream job

I'm looking for a job...are you hiring? Here's a list of my attributes:

*15 years Banking/Lending experience
*Bonded & Insured Notary Public 
*Want to be a writer
*Going to school for AS in Paralegal Studies
*Funny
*Sarcastic
*Hungover on Monday mornings...sometimes
*Several tattoos...want more
*Can play a mean Guitar Hero
*Free of infectious diseases

If your company is located in the Los Angeles area,  and is looking to hire an office goddess, give me a ring a ding ding!

Happy Freakin' Father's Day!

Okay, okay, I get it! I didn't post the Father's Day rant as promised. Actually, I posted it to my Facebook page, but apparently that wasn't good enough for you!

As a side note, please notate that this list turned out to be a death list! Two of the gents passed after I wrote this!

Because I told you I would, I present to you...

As an alternative to the sappy Father's Day clap trap (you know I love you daddy!!!)...10 FATHER'S I HATE (OR GREATLY DISLIKE)... in no particular order or level of dislike :

Charles Rothenberg - This happened in Orange County in 1983...This "father" set his 6 year old son David afire in a hotel room and left him there to die...which he did not. I was roughly the same age as David when this happened, and I remember his story was constantly retold over the years as he went to elementary school, then middle school, then high school. I met him a few times and he was the nicest, most grounded guy.

Scott Peterson - This should be pretty much self-explanatory. He murdered his wife and unborn son on Christmas Eve 2003. Of course, I don't know the real story, but as an outsider looking in...it appeared that he had the world in his hands - a beautiful wife, a son on the way, a newly discovered half sister. Who knows what made him snap, but it was truly tragic.

Chris Benoit - The pro wrestler who killed his wife, his son, and then himself in 2007. Another truly tragic situation. I understand firsthand the crippling effects of depression...but still can't fathom what he did.

"Grandpa Al" - the child molesting sack of crap from Dr. Phil. The episodes with him were so sickening and heart wrenching that I actually can't watch Dr. Phil anymore. He should not have exposed an entire family's pain on TV for his own gain. Blech, disgusting.

Let's lighten things up a bit...

Tom Cruise - okay, I realize that he is not a murderer or a maniac (that I know of) but he is phenomenally annoying. His constant death grip on his wife's arm alludes to his self-esteem issues, but his giant open mouth smiles and couch jumping make me forget that I ever loved him...my beloved Jack from Legend, who made me want to find my 'true love's kiss.'

Michael Jackson - I grew up in the Age of Michael Jackson...when he was still Black, had a nose, and was not crazy. He was the voice of my generation; plus he inspired the Michael Jackson phase of my fantasy-future-husband Corey Feldman. My daddy took my brother Todd & I to Disneyland on a day that MJ happened to be there. Like the 100's of other crazed fans, we waited outside of Matterhorn forever to catch a glimpse of him. Unfortunately, his security guards were each the size of a smoke stack from the Titanic, so we only got tiny glimpses of him as one of the smoke stacks knocked my dad down. That tarnished his star a tad for me...some years later he dangled his son over a balcony, in addition to giving his kids names like Prince and Blanket. I could go on and on. The man is bat shit crazy. But I still love him!

Mel Gibson - Who woulda thunk that hunky Sergeant Riggs would turn into a drunk, cheating, crazy, Anti-Semite who destroys his marriage by knocking up a Russian waitress? This stuff is too good to make up!

John Gosselin - don't get your panties in a wad, I dislike Kate just as much! No wonder he cheated...he is an emasculated shell of a man. I just don't get people wanting their entire lives put out there on the idiot box.

Dumb men who play dumb dads in commercials - seriously? You couldn't tell it was a diet hot pocket, fat free yogurt, etc?

Billy Mays - does he have kids? I don't know, I haven't fact checked this one. Nonetheless, I can't stand him! The last thing that makes me want to buy any product is a big hairy mountain man screaming at me!


There you have it guys...10 men who suck.

Happy freakin' fathers day!