My September 11th experience

As a child in elementary school, I remember watching live as the Challenger space shuttle exploded in mid air. It was shocking and sad, yes; but looking back (and without cheating & Googling it) I can't even tell you what year it was, what I was wearing, or how it effected me 10 years later.

I also remember learning about JFK's assassination in school - every teacher could tell you exactly what they were doing that day. My parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors - all could recall that day in clear detail. I saw the pictures, watched the videos, and listened to the memories of that horrific day; it was sad, but I couldn't really "get" it, not having lived it.

September 11, 2001 is my JFK. I remember every hour of that day in vivid detail. Getting ready for work at 5:55 AM, I turned on the news to check out the morning traffic. Every channel I turned to was showing footage of a smoking building. Shit. Traffic is going to f**king suck....assuming it was another fire on Jamboree Rd. Then I started reading what was scrolling across the bottom of the screen. A plane crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers in New York? Crazy. As I sat watching the footage, I saw the second plane hit the South tower. WHAT THE HELL? My next door neighbor banged on my front door, "We're under attack!" My parents were in Las Vegas visiting my brother and sister, it was early, but I called anyway. "Daddy? Are you watching? What's happening?" Then a thought jumped in my head...my cousin  had just gotten married on Friday...his brother had flown in from Manhattan for the wedding...when was he going back? Was he ok? My dad said he was going to call my uncle and find out. (He was fine, still in California). Told me not to worry, he would call some of his military friends and find out what was going on. I couldn't tear myself away from the TV. The reporter comes on - a third plane hit the Pentagon. The footage of the burning towers is awful - I can see people jumping from the buildings. A mass of people head for the Brooklyn Bridge. The South tower collapses before my eyes - I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I called my boyfriend (now husband), he'd already left for work. I forced myself to leave for work, listening to AM talk radio for any updates. The DJ said that there were still 8 planes missing. Flight 93 crashes into a field in Pennsylvania. What is happening?? People in traffic looked made eye contact, quizzical looks on their faces; as if saying, "Are you listening to this?" While driving to work, the North tower collapsed. I got to work, and people were in shock, crying, hugging each other. We turned on the TV in the break room, not even thinking about working. We watch as the Pentagon collapses. President Bush is safe on Air Force One. I was not a Bush supporter, but I remember being so grateful that he was safe. Everything is fine as long as the President is fine. A guy shows up to work with a box of donuts, "What's up guys?" He had no idea what was going on...hadn't watched TV or listened to the radio. Watching his expression change from goofy to horrified was surreal...this must be what I look like, I thought. I trudged through the day in a daze, my mind reeling. What is going on? Am I safe? How could this happen? The bosses let us go early that day, to go home to our families. I spent hours as a TV zombie...I couldn't tear myself away from the news. The fires were still going strong. Tower 7 collapsed. Thousands dead. Thousands?? Survivors wandering the streets, coated in ash and blood. Papers falling from the sky. Pictures of missing loved ones. Horrifically twisted metal. Chunks of concrete. Shattered glass. I still can't get these visions out of my head.

Years later, my husband and I visited ground zero during a trip to New Jersey. It was surreal. It was eerily quiet and still, the air felt thick, a weight pressing down on me. A huge, empty space in the middle of Manhattan.

Ten years have passed, and one thing hasn't change. I WILL NEVER FORGET.